“My father would womanize; he would drink; he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.” – Dr. Evil
The genius of Dr. Evil was in the delivery of his lines. Mike Myers played Dr. Evil as “the straight guy” when the Austin Powers movies were at their peak of creativity. Dr. Evil made people laugh because he delivered the most ridiculous sounding lines with a straight face. You knew they were insane. He believed them, though, so it never mattered if they were true or not. He got you.
Dr. Evil was a troll before trolling hit the mainstream.
Trolling has become an art form thanks to the magical series of tubes we colloquially call “the internet.” We “users of the internet” fine-tune our ability to detect trolling the more experience we have interacting with it. Good trolling is sold by a good troll. You have to believe they mean what they’re saying or it’s all for nothing. If you ignore a troll, they have no power, but inevitably many will always respond.
I’ve lost that battle right now. I’m purposely losing this battle to Jeremy Roenick in the name of pointing out that he is, in fact, a troll. Not a good one, mind you, but a troll nonetheless. I don’t hide the fact that I’ve never been a fan of him on the NBC broadcasts. I have always thought he believed everything he said until now. He has officially shown himself to be a troll.
Dan Cahill of the Chicago Sun-Times fortunately (I think?) brought this to light by sharing two Roenick stances from other outlets. You see, I tend to ignore anything with “Jeremy Roenick” in the headline so I never would have seen these quotes. Thank you for your courage Dan.
In this interview, Roenick said this to Mr. Rock:
“When I talk to people about you, I say, ‘Kid Rock is the most talented musician, I think, ever, on the planet, because you can put any instrument in your hand or on your mouth and you can play anything and rock a house and sing any kind of genre.”
Now, hmm. There’s a lot to unpack here. I’m not going to lie to you - the first thing I pictured was Kid Rock trying to strum a harmonica while yodeling. Once I got over that I thought “how many people does Jeremy Roenick initiate discussions with about Kid Rock?” I got lost in the rabbit hole of imagining how those conversations went for a while before realizing that there can’t be many scenarios in life that could describe my personal hell more than being stuck listening to Jeremy Roenick preach the gospel of Kid Rock, World’s Top Musician.
That’s kind of the point though. No one on earth actually believes that. Even the most die-hard fan of Kid Rock can’t honestly or objectively state that he’s the best musician to ever walk to planet. Roenick has reached “peak troll” status. Really, he’s always been a troll on the order of Colin Cowherd or Skip Bayless, but no one really cares because no one really listens to them either. A hockey version is going to be even less influential.
It begs the question: why does NBC promote him so heavily? They have the world market of hot air cornered with Mike Milbury as is. I can honestly say I don’t know of anyone who finds either one entertaining. It’s as if the NHL openly hates their fans by having personalities that come across as mean-spirited as possible.
The Sporting News piece Dan Cahill linked to had some other gems from Roenick.
“Why does anything have to do with politics or where he stands with politics when it comes to entertaining and singing to people at a sporting event? It drives me crazy. All these people have their panties so hung up they can't even think straight. They don't understand the performance. Entertainment has nothing to do with whether he likes (Donald) Trump or he doesn't like Hillary Clinton. Let him perform, sing his songs that have nothing to do with politics. All these people have got to stop with this narrative that's going around and the divide they're bringing to this country. It's driving me crazy.”
Yes, people have their “panties hung up.” Casual sexism on the eve of Hockey Is For Everyone month is a good look. Related: it’s late January. Is the NHL doing this again and I’ve missed it, or are they doing the worst possible job of promoting it?
But back on point, let’s let Kid Rock sing his totally “non-political” songs. Ballads like “Wax on the Booty” are sure to be crowd pleasers. Read the profanity-laced lyrics to “Black Chick, White Guy” to see how non-political he is. Enjoy the casual n-bomb dropped in for good measure. The non-political Kid Rock basically had a campaign rally mid-concert at a show in Little Caesar’s Arena in September:
It’s definitely a non-political choice though. And we should all get our “panties unhung.”
Roenick’s comments are so blind in the face of everything going on in this country that you wonder if he actually believes them either. Whether he does believe them or not doesn’t materially matter because he’s still responsible for his words. So is Kid Rock. That comes with the territory of being a public figure. I don’t understand why the NHL wants either one of them to represent them, trolling or not.
Watch Jeremy Roenick get destroyed
If you're with Josh on this one and dislike Jeremy Roenick, watch legendary Stars heavy-hitter Derian Hatcher break Roenick's jaw in 1999 below or here.