The Dallas Cowboys announced this week that they will no longer allow fans to bring bags or even purses inside Cowboys Stadium on game day. While this policy seems overzealous and doomed to fail, the Texas Rangers would like to remind everyone that they have not changed their bags policy and that fans are more than welcome to bring in bags or purses that adhere to the Ballpark in Arlington's existing policy.
But as a friendly reminder, they have put together a list of items still forbidden in the Ballpark.
1. Any outside beef - Thinking about saving a few bucks by sneaking in your own pre-cooked hamburger patties or hot dogs? Think again. Much like the Don Vito Corleone family controls his family business, so too does Nolan control the Ballpark's beef trade. So don't even think about it, buster.
2. Outside beverages - Sure, we've all heard tales of the days at the old ballpark when you could roll in with a cooler full of sandwiches and sodas and beer and pints of ice cream and proceed to live like Henry VIII while taking in a game. Those days are over so leave your Camelbak full of warm Dr. Pepper at home.
3. PEDs (players only) - No matter how convincing the clinic's assurances are that injecting deer blood into your temporal lobe is what Babe Ruth would have been doing if he were still alive, use or possession of performance enhancing drugs is forbidden at the Ballpark. Now that just goes for players. If fans feel it necessary to juice to get the ultimate wave going, knock yourselves out.
4. Jose Canseco - Because all he would do is obsessively tweet throughout the game or yell wild accusations towards the field, possessing or being Jose on the Ballpark premises is strictly forbidden. Please note that this rule also applies to Ozzie Canseco.
5. Josh Hamilton jersey (unmodified) - Sure, you probably paid a lot for that Hamilton shirt or jersey back when he seem to be on pace for averaging 12 homeruns a game. But we all know how that story ended. Chalk that shirt's cost up to the price of an education and do what any respectful Rangers fan would do and use it to wax your car when you can't find a chamois.
Well, that about covers it. Please remember that we're all here to have fun and be respectful of your fellow fans. And for the love of all that is holy, do not get between Wash and his bag of sunflower seeds.

Your First Place Texas Rangers

Read or Share this story: