DALLAS - The story of the week is that the Cowboys have never played a game that wasn’t close in the history of games that the Cowboys have ever played.
Eight games last year were within a touchdown, an additional two were within ten, and an additional two within eleven. Another seven were within one TD the year before. Ten the year before.
I’m not great at math but that’s approximately 120% of the games they’ve played in that time, and that’s also true since the beginning of time, if you go back through the ancient records. Which is a lot. They’ve now, this season, lost a game by one point and won one by four. Close games, all.
The consistency with which they’ve had close games doesn’t make any sense. It’s not like they have a good defense. But they’ve done it with Tony Romo and DeMarco Murray, and now they're doing it with Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott. Somehow they managed to pull off this trick with Brandon Weeden and Joseph Randle, and Matt Cassel and Darren McFadden both. Cassel managed the astonishing feat of losing five out of the six games that he played in, while only losing one by more than a TD.
Since it’s not technically possible for all of this to have happened, the only real explanation here is, obviously, wizards. Additionally, since the ‘Boys have won these close games about as often as they’ve lost them -- and won much more than lost with Romo in the mix -- it is also clear that these wizards are not entirely anti-Cowboys.
It follows, then, that what we’re actually facing here is a competition between wizards, one group of which is Cowboys fans, and the other group against. It’s not clear if this latter group is actively rooting against the ‘Boys or if, instead, this is just one of many avenues through which the fiendish rivalry between these two dangerous groups is being prosecuted. Perhaps these anti-Cowboys wizards know very little about football, and care less. We’ll never know.
The important thing is they exist, and that’s the story of the week.
Hit up Andy on Twitter @andytobo and help him come up with names for the wizards dueling for the fate of the Cowboys.
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