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Dating service caters to cheaters

03:44 PM CDT on Thursday, April 24, 2008

By CYNTHIA IZAGUIRRE / WFAA-TV

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Cynthia Izaguirre reports: Part 1
April 24, 2008

Just when you thought matchmaking services had covered all the bases, along comes one catering to cheaters.

Ashley Madison is an online dating service where those looking for love outside their marriage can have a field day.

There's plenty of potential to peruse here, and users don't even have to be married to join the nearly two million claimed members, with 14,000 of them said to be from North Texas.

One of them, "Jayleen08," says she is a single 24-year-old in her online profile. "I'm the reason they made cheat," she boasts.

Darren Morgenstern, founder of Ashley Madison, defends the concept. "We feel in our hearts, minds, and pocketbooks, that people who are going to stray — they're going to do it anyway, no matter what, with or without us," he said.

Ashley Madison has even posted a billboard in California bearing the likeness of two unclothed adults. "Life is short, have an affair," urges the ad.

The billboard has attracted protesters, and marriage counselors find the whole idea of online cheating more than a little disturbing.

"It's something that's deceitful for the relationship," said marriage counselor Greg Medlyn. "Most people who do have affairs struggle with guilt, they struggle with shame, because they're doing something that, in most cases, does not match their integrity."

"They're leading lives of quiet misery, quiet desperation, and they're looking for something outside the relationship," Morgenstern said of his clients. "They want to connect with somebody who is like-minded who is also looking to potentially stray on their spouse."

Medlyn says affairs feel good in the short run, but rarely end well. "I don't think there is any way that we could say this would help the relationship, help the individuals — certainly if there's children involved."

He strives for the alternative: Getting couples to revisit the reasons why they wed in the first place; what they value about each other; while also dealing with what they're not getting from each other.

Medlyn said it's not an easy process, and that may be why more than 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.

The euphoria of your wedding day is impossible to maintain, experts say, but satisfaction isn't.

That involves hard work and communicating well, so both partners get what they need.

When that falls apart, affairs can only make things worse — as tempting as they might be.

E-mail cizaguirre@wfaa.com

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