Parenting Gone Too Far?

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Kid's Doctor

Posted on April 17, 2012 at 5:01 AM

Updated Tuesday, Apr 17 at 5:01 AM

I recently read an article in The New York Times about another new “parenting” book. I am not sure I understand this latest addition to a group of what I would call “extreme parenting” books. 

Similar to the Tiger Mom, or the American mother who extolled the French “method” for parenting, this new book, to be titled “ The Heavy”, is written by a mother who discusses her daughter’s weight issue and how she “enforced her daughter to diet”. 

Dara Lynn Weiss’s book deal stems from a recent article she has written for Vogue detailing her own parenting methods for dealing with her 7 year old overweight daughter.  In the article, Ms. Weiss discusses placing her daughter on a “strict” diet and punishing her for making poor food choices. 

She has gotten a lot of buzz on TV, radio and online for her methods, which included not only restricting her daughter’s food choices, but humiliating her daughter as well as discussing her own adult issues surrounding body image and weight control. 

I see far too many young children who are overweight and have ongoing issues with food choices. I also spend a great deal of time trying to help educate the parents of these children on how they can help their child become a “healthier eater” without using the word DIET.  

For a child who is 7-8 years old, as is Ms. Weiss’s daughter, the majority of the discussion revolves around the food that is available in the home, how the entire family eats, how much exercise a child gets, and what the child eats for lunch (whether they take their lunch or buy a school lunch). The discussion never includes words like “shame, punishment, or humiliation”, but rather terms like “healthy eating for growing bodies, modeling eating habits, and teaching children about better food choices.”  

While this approach may seem boring it does work.  Parents truly are the “boss” of the majority of their child’s food choices for the first 8-10 years of a child’s life. Why do you have to berate or punish a child in order to promote good nutrition? We are not talking about a teen who is driving through fast food joints, or eating from the 7-11 counter. 

Lately it seems that unless you’re writing “books on parenting that anger parents” or cause a huge backlash on Internet sites, no one wants to read them?  

A good parent does not need to use EXTREMES.  Is there no middle ground any more?  Can we not go back to the days of “everything in moderation”. The pendulum seems to have swung so far that a mother can score a major book deal while berating her young daughter and in my mind setting her daughter up for a serious eating disorder in the future. Yes, I also take care of a fair number of anorexic and bulimic patients (mainly girls) and unfortunately many of them have mothers with body image and eating disorders as well. 

So, while I do agree with Ms. Weiss that overweight and obese children must have parental involvement and  the necessary diligence to change their eating habits, I don’t agree with her methods. I am happy that the issue is being discussed but there has to be a better way.  Another bestseller? I hope not for my patients. 

What do you think? I would love your feedback!

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