Tooth fairy and dinosaurs: A dude's recap of ‘Bachelorette' Week 6

Tooth fairy and dinosaurs: A dude's recap of 'Bachelorette' Week 6

Each week, after watching The Bachelorette with my wonderful fiancée, I’ll share my perspective on the drama that unfolds as Dallas native Rachel Lindsay embarks on the unrealistic quest for Mr. Right.

I’m doing this for the guys out there who sacrifice their Monday nights during Bachelorette season. I’m doing it for people who want to laugh with me at the show. And, most importantly, I’m doing it for love.

Here’s what we saw in week six of season 13. (This post contains spoilers. If you didn’t know that until this parenthetical, you should work on your context clues.) Don't see embedded photos, GIFS or tweets below? Go here.

After a two-night foray into our TV viewing schedules two weeks ago and an off week on July 3, The Bachelorette brought back a fresh batch of drama this week.

Rachel mixed things up, as she is wont to do, and had one-on-one dates with the only three guys that actually have a chance, and pitted the duds against each other in a seldom-if-ever-seen three-on-one date.

Predictably, Matt and Adam -- who were barely given any character development by ABC and more or less skated through to the final six -- see their final dates with Rachel.

Yawn.

But fear not, there was plenty of weirdness and dramatic teases to potential conflict along the way to recap. Let’s take a dive in:

This date brought to you by Breitling

We start with the guys chatting at the house in Geneva, Switzerland, and we hear some unfamiliar sounds. “Congratulations on saying your first words on TV,” says my wife, Kate, as Matt pipes up about his chances with Rachel.

Bryan gets the first one-on-one date, to no one’s surprise. The next few moments were a blur because I had to prepare myself mentally for the gross series of make-outs my deductive reasoning was telling me were undoubtedly ahead.

They end up at a Swiss watch shop, where ABC -- err, I mean, “Rachel” -- buys Bryan a super expensive watch with a black leather strap. (Bryan still has the watch, by the way.)

“I like black,” Bryan says. “Do you??,” Rachel responds with a laugh. I groan.

While we see the two of them make out in a park, Dean is back at the house making great points about Bryan. Dean surmises that Bryan, who is 37, has spent the last 18 years of his life sweet-talking girls and has gotten good at it, and says that Rachel needs to see past it.

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Dean forgets that the whole show is framed within just a few short weeks, and that Rachel will likely not have time to see past it. But we digress.

At dinner -- weirdly set up in the middle of a symphony hall of some sort -- Bryan talks about his last relationship moving too quickly but reiterates that he’s falling in love with Rachel after six weeks.

‘What’s your favorite dinosaur?’

Dean gets the second one-on-one date, with the simple prompt of “put on your Sunday best.”

He shows up with no blazer and what may or may not have been white tube socks to go with his blue slacks and brown shoes. I’m no fashion icon, but I think he could’ve done better on a show that, in the same week, just equipped another dude with a watch that cost about $8,000.

Anyway, the pair awkwardly dance in the street and Dean giggles his way through some sight-seeing.

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The show is edited together to make him look pensive throughout the date, clearly distracted by the looming hometown and his less-than-stellar family dynamic.

Rachel prods him to open up and have a serious conversation about the “added pressure” he’s feeling, and he responds with questions about the tooth fairy and dinosaurs before laughing like a 7-year-old.

As it happens so often on the show, Dean opens up at dinner, saying his dad bailed on him after his mom passed away.

“I wish you could meet the family I had in my most developmental years from 0-15, and not the family that abandoned me at the most vulnerable time in my life,” he says.

The females with whom I’m watching go, “aaawwwwwww” and Dean gets a rose.

Casual dog sled ride

While everyone else gets great, sea-level dates this week, Peter gets stuck on a dog sled ride to the middle of a frozen tundra. He talks about thoughts of leaving or something, and the snow in his hair makes it look like he’s fully grayed.

Peter’s open-up-at-dinner conversation is about -- you guessed it! -- his last relationship. She asks him about the last time he brought someone home, and he instead starts waxing poetic about when he left his ex.

I don’t really connect with the sob story about hugging a girl in the driveway and then driving away, but he seems particularly traumatized by the thought of her in his rear-view mirror.

This thing is *screaming* unresolved feelings to me, but he gets a rose and they both say it was the best date ever.

Challenging, not difficult

The three-on-one date starts off with three dudes helping Rachel onto a boat (yay, chivalry!) and then all competing for cuddle time with her on the boat ride (gross).

Adam makes a strange, nonsensical toast about the difference between difficult and challenging, and states the obvious that Rachel will only choose one guy at the end of it all. Eric’s face during the toast is the best.

Rachel talks to Matt for a few minutes, starts bawling and dumps him. She proceeds to make out with him while saying goodbye. Twitter, including the official Bachelorette account, points out that we never really knew him.

Adam, seen for the first time all season without his stupid mannequin, always seems like he’s pleading for Rachel to not break up with him. He explains how “part of him” is falling in love with Rachel because he tends to “clam up” when he doesn’t get affirmation. They talk about being the ying to each other’s yang, and all of this is extra sad because he gets dumped shortly thereafter.

Eric might have admitted to Rachel, a lawyer, that he has dealt drugs, but I’m not really sure.

“How I grew up wasn’t easy. It was easy to get distracted," he says. "It was easy to sell a drug or commit a crime or do anything of that nature because it was normal."

He talks about his rough upbringing, unhealthy family relationships and how he’s never brought anyone home, so the hometown visit will certainly be interesting.

To recap, the hometown dates set for next week:

• Bryan, a 37-year-old player from Miami with whom everything is peaches and cream

• Peter, who’s had doubts about the process and may still have regrets about leaving his ex

• Eric, who grew up in a rough neighborhood and has relatives in prison

• Dean, who was abandoned by his father, who he calls increasingly “eccentric”

Can’t wait.

© 2017 WFAA-TV


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