Gordon Keith: A 'Lost' retrospective

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by GORDON KEITH

WFAA Contributor

Posted on May 27, 2010 at 8:26 PM

Updated Friday, May 28 at 1:51 AM

I am so glad that "Lost" is over.

It was a great show, but after the finale, part of me suspects I've wasted 120 hours over the past six years.

In case you never watched the show, here's the plot:

  • A group of people crash on an island and never need haircuts.
     
  • They do a bunch of pointless stuff, battle some unexplained enemies, point guns at each other, and all go to heaven.

There you go. Now you owe me 120 hours of your life. You can start by washing my car; then come rub my feet.

I learned a lot from "Lost." I learned the "Lost" world differs from the real world considerably.

In REAL LIFE, women labor for 10 plus hours in hospitals before giving birth to small creatures that look vaguely human.

In the LOST WORLD, child birthing is a quick 20-second process carried out by non-medical personnel that results in a five-month-old attached to an umbilical cord. The kid practically walks away from its mom after cutting himself free using safety scissors.

In REAL LIFE, women want nothing to do with men who lack basic hygiene.

In the LOST WORLD, a woman will make out with a guy who smells like a mule. It's just so unrealistic.

Maybe I am bitter about all the red herrings and unanswered questions, so in the interest of fairness, I've invited WFAA.com "Lost" blogger Doug Boehner to deliver a detailed rebuttal of of my criticism of this groundbreaking show.

DOUG: "Gordon Keith's an idiot. 'Lost' rules."

Thanks, Doug. Good dialogue.

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