It’s 10;41pm central time, and the Rangers have a record of 4 wins and 7 losses. They came into this series 4-5, facing a team that was 2-8, and if you’re prone to freaking out, I can get on board with that. Let’s do it, actually. Let’s freak out right now. Let’s just panic and go scorched earth. We’ll do it for two paragraphs, we’ll just go full Galloway and lose our minds. Let’s go. Ready?

HOW ARE THE RANGERS BAD WHAT THE HECK. They came into this season with what was supposed to be an unassailable bullpen, but it turns out the bullpen sucks. The bullpen ERA is something along the lines of 1.MILLION. The Offense was great for a few games but they got to Seattle and *elongated flatulence sound*.

The Rangers have never won a World Series. This is a scientifically verifiable fact. Not as verifiable: Manager Ted Williams, upon leaving the team after its inaugural season in 1972, put a devil curse on the Rangers. They will never win a World Series, and you are a fool for hoping so.

*shakes hands, arms, shoulders, face, making a uuuuughghghghghghghghg sound* OK LETS SHAKE IT OFF.

Now that we have that out of our system, let’s look at the positives, shall we?

Andrew Cashner’s line score looks terrible, but the truth of the matter is, he was pretty good! Once Tyson Ross comes back, there’s a very good chance that Cashner is your 5th starter, and if your fifth starter goes 5⅓ innings and leaves a couple runners on, I think you probably accept that as a positive experience.

Unfortunately, here’s how his last inning went: 

- Jarrod Dyson comebacker to the mound (Excellent start!)
- Mitch Haniger single that–if you want to make the argument–Elvis Andrus perhaps should have fielded.
- Robinson Cano reaches via an E6. That means Elvis Andrus definitely should have fielded this ball.
- Nelson Cruz walks. It’s still a shutout at this point, but the writing is on the wall. In bold.
- Kyle Seager


Alex Claudio was warm at this point. 

That is all.

Carry on. 


- Kyle Seager singles to right field, scoring two, and making it 2-0 Mariners. 

[pitching change, Mike Hauschild comes on]

- Taylor Motter home run. He home run’d so hard. It was 5-0 Mariners, and ugh that’s a big home run.

We somehow delved into realism when we were supposed to be unicorning, so let’s get back to one last positive from tonight: Sam Dyson worked a 1-2-3 8th inning as he works his way back from Closer Purgatory, retiring Seager, Motter, and Valencia via the 5-3, 4-3, and F7, respectively. Who ever even knows if Sam Dyson will be the Rangers closer again this year, but man it was good to see him work a 1-2-3 inning.

Unfortunately, the real story of tonight is neither a knee-jerk freakout nor a rainbows and sunshine Optimismsplosion. The real story is that James Paxton was really really good for the Mariners. He only allowed two hits in 8 innings, striking out 9, and walking just 1. He has now allowed a total of zero runs in 21 innings this season, and is well on his way to being a Very Great Pitcher. 

Hopefully Seattle sees the light soon and trades him to the NL East.