Welcome to the WFAA Sports Blog Totally Fictional and Not Real Monthly Football Sport Mailbag (WFAA SBTF&NRMFSM), the only mailbag column on the entire internet devoted to not answering questions not send in by people not unlike you, the reader!
I did not receive a ton of good questions and I never will because never send in your questions please and thanks, so let’s dive right in!
Who should start at quarterback. Should it be Dak Prescott or Romo Tony.
- Sammy D, in Tampa, FL
Well this is the $53.5 million dollar question that everyone is asking so I’m certainly glad you thought of it all by yourself!
Here’s my take; why is no one focusing on the dark horse in this race? Mark Sanchez is a pretty good quarterback, right? And this way no one is happy, and isn’t that what sports fandom is all about?
To whom do you credit the recent uptick in defensive performance?
- Marb, in Dime Box, TX
Oh laa dee dah, look at Marb and his (her?) proper English. In 2015, Jeff Heath played in 19.51% of Dallas’ defensive snaps. In 2016 so far it has been 8.92%. It pays to keep the football gods happy, and Jeff Heath is a blight to the football gods.
Also giving Byron Jones one job instead of, like, 3. They’re kind of related though.
Jerry the owner should fire…?
- Drob, in Winkler County, Texas
… no one because the team is 5-1 and that’s pretty good?
What is your take on the team moving the practice facility to Frisco?
- Jabk, in Uncertain, TX
Frisco is a relatively bland, soulless suburb, which is to say the Cowboys kind of fit in fine there? Look, there’s about 100 square acres in the Dallas area with actual character, so unless they're going to go into, like, Lower Greenville or maybe Fair Park, they’re going somewhere bland and new, and that’s just a reality of life here, so let’s all be adults and just pay the Tollway people their takes.
What’s the best thing from the vendors at AT&T Stadium?
- Rodber, in Paris, TX
From experience? The water in the water fountains is pretty ok.
You think I’m paying the sixteen bucks it costs to get a hot dog? How much you think it pays writing fictional mailbags on the internet? I ain’t made of money.
What do you think the Cowboys should be looking at in the 2017 draft?
- Alennnn, in Forney, TX
I think they should be looking at being a competitive football team for the next ten weeks and also you should be doing the same. ‘Oh but I like watching college football and watching for the stars of tomorrow’s NFL’ you say. Ugh, I say.
Watching football in and of itself is ghoulish but at least in the NFL dudes are getting paid. In college you’ve got the NCAA spending an inordinate amount of money convincing people that there’s no way they could pay their players, and the Draconian measures teams employ to play their players (yes, they all do it, why would a player go anywhere that doesn’t?) is somehow better.
Look, if they’re brutally shortening their lifespan for my entertainment, I at least want ‘em rich while doing it. Even if a soda costs twenty-three bucks and the commercials have commercials.
I enjoy saying mean things to athletes on twitter when they do something that displeases me. Please advise.
- Egg, on Twitter
This is the worst thing you can do in the immediate time frame with what you have readily available. Sure, it’s fun to roast people from time to time (look, I haul off on Jeff Heath probably daily) but don’t go with the @’s. In fact, be nice. You can roast and be nice, right? Let’s go with that. Tell ‘em Joe said be nice. And also get a profile picture. Just… just trust me.
Well that’s all the time and questions that were not asked! We’ll do this again providing exactly zero questions are sent in again. If anyone sends in a question I will pull this car over right now. And then you’ll ruin it for everyone! Until then, have great fun!
If you didn't get your question answered this time, complain to Joe personally on Twitter @thejoeursery.