There was not a Dallas Cowboys football game on Sunday. You may have noticed. Maybe you didn’t. I don’t know. Really doesn’t bother me either way to be honest. It’s ok.

Regardless, the fact that we had our precious fall Sunday without Cowboys intrusion brings us to a special holiday of sorts. It is time that we partake in that most established and respected of traditions.

This is the Cowboys Fictional Mailbag.

The concept is as simple as the execution. Readers like you do not send in questions, just like you did not (and if you did, thank you, we considered it deeply then wrote fake questions anyway).

I truly cannot thank you enough for not sending in questions. On to the (fake) answers!

What is your opinion about kneeli-

Nope. Next!

Jerry Jones said he would fire any playe-

Not touching it! Next question!

Dak Prescott seems to be more uneven in his performance this year.
-Tephen, in Morg, Texas

He is, but part of what made his rookie year so uncanny was how steady he generally was, game to game, series to series. I question whether that’s repeatable for any-

You didn’t let me finish. Given his impeccable character and position in the franchise, isn’t it safe for him to take a protest position?
-Tephen, in Morg, Texas

Man there’s this entirely problematic term Bill Parcells once used to describe swerves like this.

Also still not touching it. Sorry.

Who are the Cowboys’ player union reps?
-Jombo Diggins, West San Antonio, Texas

Jason Witten, Byron Jones, and Dan Bailey.

(Good luck playing a game without any of those three guys voluntarily)

So about this whole anthem thin-

Unless you’re going to stop and correct yourself and say you meant ‘Anathem’, the sci-fi epic Neal Stephenson novel, I got nothin for ya man.

Actually yes I would like your thoughts on Anathem.
-Red Grin Grumboldt

Oh. Well then.

I think sci-fi is generally inherently optimistic, and grounded optimism is a key throughout Anathem. Arbre’s self-imposed separation of educated and uneducated seems absurd at first but then you realize it’s a compromise that’s lead to long-term survival and a functional society.

It’s also impressive that he weaves in dense philosophical and scientific theory in a functional narrative, even if it’s a little clunky at times. That said, a major plot point revolves around a guy going #2 in a hole in the ground, and I love that.

Really, would the kneeling issue be anywhere in national dialogue if it wasn’t forced there by the president, then resuscitated by Jerry Jones?
-Bramdt, in east Richardson

<looks at editor>
<editor shrugs>
<looks at senior editor>
<senior editor nods almost imperceptibly>
<looks at Dale>
<Dale doesn’t make eye contact with contract staff, ignores me>

<deeeeep breath>

Yes absolutely the issue would still be discussed a little around the margins because it is absolutely the reason Colin Kaepernick is not employed despite being at least an average starting NFL quarterback which is a massively valuable asset that teams live and die (figuratively) trying to find but it wouldn’t enter the mainstream discussion and let’s be honest it’s not an act of disrespect kneeling before something is a universal act of respect and it’s worth noting that kneeling was the suggestion of Nate Boyer, a veteran Green Beret, rather than sitting (and I think that’s a better stance, if you forgive the slight pun) so I think there’s a slight bit of disingenuity to say that it’s a mockery of police and troops while it does address police actions it’s not insulting to ask them to do their job in a different way given that we live in a democratic nation and as such have a say in how our laws and justice are administered ideally this is also a hugely hypothetical discussion because no Cowboy has yet truly taken a knee during the anthem and at this point it would seem facile to do so because are you protesting systemic racial injustice, or are you protesting the president using coarse language to describe an unemployed peer, or are you protesting your boss saying he’d punish you for exercising your constitutionally enshrined rights- just like how the optics of Kaep’s actions took a tarnish when the images of him wearing socks with pigs dressed as cops (let me be clear- bad idea, man), that angle would tarnish any newly minted kneeler, wouldn’t it?

<deeeeep breath>

So...Zeke looks slow right?
-Arden, in Amherst

Totally. Maybe a month and a half off will help. Maybe also will help him from doing dumb and or dangerous and or ratchet stuff in his free time.

Well that’s it for the fake questions. I hate broaching controversial topics, but… I really like that a central plot in Anathem gets resolved by the hero going doodie in a hole in the ground. See you next time!

Got any red hot Dallas Cowboys takes you just have to get off your chest? Please don't send them to Joe @thejoeursery.