Each week, after watching The Bachelorette with my wonderful fiancée, I’ll share my perspective on the drama that unfolds as Dallas native Rachel Lindsay embarks on the unrealistic quest for Mr. Right.

I’m doing this for the guys out there who sacrifice their Monday nights during Bachelorette season. I’m doing it for people who want to laugh with me at the show. And, most importantly, I’m doing it for love.

Here’s what we saw in the second episode of week five of season 13. (This post contains spoilers. If you didn’t know that until this parenthetical, you should work on your context clues.) Don't see embedded photos, GIFS or tweets below? Go here.

The Kenny-versus-Lee, two-on-one showdown for the ages never truly was. As it turns out, the climax of that storyline was indeed when Kenny was walking down a hill laughing like a psycho at the end of Monday night’s episode.

That, or the hilarious string of cuss words he dropped on Lee at the start of the encore episode Tuesday night.

However you want to label it, what was billed as the season’s biggest drama was really an anticlimactic flop. Outside of the (likely) over-censoring of Kenny’s series of insults, there wasn’t even anything for me to joke about.

Lee tells one final bold-faced lie, saying he didn’t tell Rachel that Kenny pulled him out of a van -- something he very much did say -- and was gone just moments into the show.

Kenny’s reaction to coming out on top in the two-on-one? Delaying a helicopter ride with his purported crush to go and get the last word with Lee. It was a terrible decision for which Rachel would later call him out.

But then, because the show has nothing to do with the actual building of relationships, Rachel says Kenny is “there for her” and gives him a rose.

Ugh. There’s a weird montage of Kenny crying about his daughter, which becomes important later.


I’m still not sure who Matt is, but he gets the last rose at the rose ceremony. Josiah gets eliminated and goes on a rant about how he should’ve gotten the rose. And while he’s pretty insufferable and I think everyone is glad he’s gone, he makes some decent points.

“It’s just weird, the people that she kept in the house over me,” he says to the camera. “You think you can have a better chance with Matt than me? And I love Alex, the Soviet Union KGB spy… but you really think that KGB agent has something over mer?

“And I loooove Adam, but you think a guy that brings a doll that looks like Mike Myers is better than me? Woman, you have some poor judgment.”