Each week, after watching The Bachelorette with my wonderful fiancée, I’ll share my perspective on the drama that unfolds as Dallas native Rachel Lindsay embarks on the unrealistic quest for Mr. Right.

I’m doing this for the guys out there who sacrifice their Monday nights during Bachelorette season. I’m doing it for people who want to laugh with me at the show. And, most importantly, I’m doing it for love.

Here’s what we saw in the first episode of week five of season 13. (This post contains spoilers. If you didn’t know that until this parenthetical, you should work on your context clues.) Don't see embedded photos, GIFS or tweets below? Go here.

There’s no better way to set up the action from the first night of a two-night event than to hit you with a quick list of the names Kenny calls Lee during this two-hour stretch of TV gold:

  • "Disingenuous snake"
  • "Dime store psychologist"
  • "Snakey"
  • "B*tch"
  • "Short stack"
  • "Southern piece of garbage"
  • "Caricature of a man"

We pick up where we left off last week, in the middle of a bickering match between our two bachelors playing out the classic good-versus-evil archetype.

Lee emphasizes that he’s there to irritate people -- something he does quite well -- and Kenny calls him a b*tch about a half-dozen times. Will, who is too nice to be dragged into the Lee saga, confronts him about his use of the term “aggressive” in reference to Kenny.

Lee makes some offensive comments about “playing the race card” straight to Will’s face. Will doesn’t take the bait, and we put that drama on the back burner for a bit.